Do you like Pina Coladas?

 

Marriage.

Such a strange concept. Still. Even though this is our sixth year of being bound in holy matrimony.

Just the words alone sound scary as fuck.

Bound. Holy matrimony. Til death do us part…

Sheez man. Any chance we can lighten this a little? We did. Have. But MAN ALIVE has it been a roller coaster!

Today I was throwing together a new playlist for the kids and I to use for movement and dance time, when I came across the song above.

I’ve long had a giggle about it.

I shouldn’t find it funny. It’s essentially about wanting to cheat, and infidelity isn’t ok (for me).

However, if we try not to pry the song apart and judge the crap out of it. It’s a simple tale of a couple who, despite loving each other, are BORED AS FUCK… because they never took the time to actually LEARN each other.

And therefore found each other magical again, by just learning old-new facts about each other through personal ads in the paper.

Sad fact; so, SO many couples know very little about their other. And as time passes and the world leads us closer and closer to doing things faster and faster, this will just become more of a thing.

Folks tend to err on the side of caution when beginning a bond with someone. And so we avoid tackling the tough stuff. The sticky questions and figure it will all just be fine…until it isn’t.

Simple incompatibilities become huge when amassed (which is often what happens when things start going pear.) So it’s pretty crazy that we don’t try harder to keep comms flowing easily, and not be guarded and dicky about things that keep us solid, steady and more often than not these days, having fun.

We missed stuff, sure. We dove in heart first and probably missed many of the questions we needed to ask. I’m grateful though, we asked as many as we did.

And then, we LEAPED into I DO territory and things got to feeling so insane seriously in the years following on from that (WHY does no one tell you that shit?). Every move I made felt like some transgression of a mad and sacred rulebook I’d never have the key for, so could never read.

Marriage.

Anyhow. We broke it, our marriage. Badly. Like, the kind of break that we weren’t sure we could mend. I took our kids and ran away. Literally moved 600km away. That broken.

Stories not over yet…

You know what saved us? Well, not the only thing…but mostly, it was our friendship.

It was KNOWING that he DIDN’T like Pina Coladas and he KNOWING that I DID like getting caught in the rain, and other WAY more crucial information about each other and our psyches and personalities and pasts that if we didn’t, would have left us with paperwork and divorce.

It was those days that I least loved my husband and couldn’t deal with him at all…I ended up sobbing down the phone at him in anger. Because without a shadow of a doubt, he is the best FRIEND I will ever have. I could ALWAYS speak to my friend. ALWAYS.

Marriage. It’s the little things. They are everything. It’s fucked without them.

Those questions, the daft ones, the hard ones, the ones that make you cringe as you say them. THAT’S The glue that sticks a broken marriage back together.

And if you asked them up front, and took time to LEARN your love, you’ll have it to hand, when/if shit breaks.

*sidenote*

IF you are both willing to accept that none of the answers you get in return to the questions are wrong. No one is wrong or right. Just different. (this is a post for another time because we are still deep in the trenches of learning this one)

 

What I think I’m angling at with this post is that this song feels like a huge metaphor for us and our errors/learnings.

Forgetting that we knew each other and that we were in fact exactly what the other needed, and we chose to overlook that, in anger, boredom, frustration, well, it kind of rounded out the same way the song does.

We thought at a point we needed to be different, or that each of the other needed to change. What we needed to do was just accept, love and keep asking all the questions.

It’s the “oh, it’s you” part that makes me smile. Not because she ‘busts’ him, but because it really is just that.

Familiar.

Love is familiar.

And I’m so very grateful for familiarity.

In our case, it doesn’t breed contempt.

 

___________________________________________________________________________

 

Lyrics

 

I was tired of my lady, we´d been together too long
Like a worn-out recording, of a favorite song
So while she lay there sleeping, I read the paper in bed
And in the personals column, there was this letter I read

“If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
If you´re not into yoga, if you have half a brain
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape
I´m the love that you´ve looked for, write to me, and escape”

I didn´t think about my lady, I know that sounds kind of mean
But me and my old lady, had fallen into the same old dull routine
So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad
And though I´m nobody´s poet, I thought it wasn´t half bad

“Yes, I like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
I´m not much into health food, I am into champagne
I´ve got to meet you by tomorrow noon, and cut through all this red tape
At a bar called O’Malley’s, where we´ll plan our escape”

So I waited with high hopes, then she walked in the place
I knew her smile in an instant, I knew the curve of her face
It was my own lovely lady, and she said, “Oh, it´s you”
And we laughed for a moment, and I said, “I never knew”

“That you liked Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
And the feel of the ocean, and the taste of champagne
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape
You´re the love that I´ve looked for, come with me, and escape”

“If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
If you´re not into yoga, if you have half a brain
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape
I’m the love that you’ve looked for, come with me, and escape”

 

Songwriters: Rupert Holmes

Escape (The Pina Colada Song) lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc

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2 thoughts on “Do you like Pina Coladas?

  1. Tracey this is so true. I just had an Aha moment reading this. We can somehow get lost in our marriage trying to make it perfect but you are right it’s the little things. These are the things that keep it real. My hubby and I decided to return to SA and because of jobs he stays in a dingy flat in the UK whilst I’m home in SA with the kids. It didn’t help that I got the judgmental a$$hole telling me how My marriage is going to fall apart. Hey if you secure in yours why do you need to judge mine. It’s being tough no doubt esp when he comes for a short time. I miss my best friend and hopefully he will get a job and be home one day. This post made me call him to remind him..that yes..He is my friend my bestie.

    1. I’m so humbled it resonated with you, Antoinette,

      thank you for taking the time to read my post. I agree with you that it often is hard to stay strong in the situations we are in when confronted with the negativity of others. We are so often unsure of our own truths and realities that it makes us doubtful and fearful when in essence they are merely projecting their fears onto us, and not basing anything on fact, genuine knowledge or understanding of the situation or relationship they so freely pass judgment on.
      It sounds like it is a trying time for you all, and that you are handling beautifully despite it. The fact that you felt compelled to call him and extend a hand in love and friendship is powerful, and something that can always be expanded on.
      I honestly feel that if humans acted as readily when we felt love, compassion, and empathy, as we do when we feel anger or offense, this world would look totally different.

      Never hold love in. Never hold back when you feel like caring. Share it. Give it freely, there is always more for you when you do. Our world needs more of that, for sure.

      I wish you all much love and respect on your journey

      Trace

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