“In the know”

Being “In the know” doesn’t make you knowledgeable. – I’ll explain

It’s an odd phenomenon, social media.

I understand and tolerate it’s essence less as time passes. Slowly peeling away from its hedonistic clutches.

It NEEDS us to engage, to lust, to seek excess, to wish and to mostly see fault with everything we DO have, in want of what we don’t yet…or may never have.

“Comparison is the thief of joy” Theodore Roosevelt.

A healthy mind would see Teddy wrong, but most of us don’t have very healthy minds and as we swim about in a sea of toxic media and desperation for the lives society tells us we need, he is all but godly with his wordage.

I was the queen of sharing. Oversharing, apparently. I was told it many times. Although I still don’t give much of a fuck for that sentiment, I am still within my rights to share what and when I please. Despite what anyone thinks.

I have, over the last few years chosen not to, more and more. I went from sharing my every breath, my day to day life (moment to moment, as Facebook, would have it) and my in-depth thoughts and feelings, my struggles and disappointments, to just….not really sharing my “life” at all. It’s been a conscious decision though.

I’ve come to realize that although most folks need to share, I may not be that way inclined anymore. When my head and heart were full, and I needed to offload, I did (admittedly in all the wrong and destructive places – SM). But these days, I find it to be something I get no benefit from really. 

I’m no longer a “sharer”.

I’ll hold onto the crown though

(my five-year-old says I am his Queen, I’ll take it) 😉

I’m now finding that same feeling of being “seen”, “heard” and “validated” that I once sought from a code-filled vacuum, desperately hoping someone would connect to, comes from within my own body and mind.

When did that happen?

I’m not sure exactly, but it has been SLOOOOOW in coming. Small steps, little realizations and softly, softly finding my feet on this earth.

So what do I do that makes me not want to look to others for my answers?

I sit on stuff. I think. I feel. I think more. I consider those it impacts on. And then. I try and feel again, just to make sure.  – Your body is a brilliant measure of your intuition and how decisions FEEL in it.

And once I’ve reached a place where it feels like I am in control and am making the decision, I take action. On occasion, I check in with my heart extension (my husband Luke) as I deeply appreciate his input and perspective. That said, he won’t sway a decision if I feel it’s right. But perspective is good.

What was it that made you realize that crowdsourcing your emotions wasn’t a good thing when so many people feel the way you do?

Surely it helped you feel accepted and better?

Firstly, it needs to be said that like begets like. I was in a bad way. My head and heart were all muddled, and although not everyone I was speaking to was in as bad a space as I was, each one who validated my “bad space” and reinforced that it was a “good place” to be, by sitting in it with me and helping me commiserate, just made it harder to leave that space and grow beyond it.

It became an echo chamber of constant angst and crisis.

For someone with a poor self-image, anxiety, and depression, it was like handing me my own obituary.

So like, you still post your “life” on Instagram, is it all a lie?

Totes. Every word. HAHAHAHAHA!

No, it’s not. It is curated to show some of the prettier and more enjoyable parts of my life, sure. Because it is my space and I completely get the right to decide what I share. Am I lying by showing you my images that I have taken the time to craft and edit because I appreciate a good shot? Fuck no. Am I beholden to telling you my grotty feelings and my hard stuff? Fuck off. That’s MY stuff and you have no right to it.

Is my home neat and tidy when you visit? Yes. Do I cry on my guests and bitch about my life when they are there? NO. So why would I make any of my other spaces be that be that way? Am I lying to you when you visit and I chose not to tell you my heart is breaking about something, while I work through it by myself? Am I? No. I’m acting like a decent human, just getting on with their life.

I’m a tad over folks telling other folks how and what to post in their spaces when we all have cognitive brains that allow us to reach up with that opposable thumb and WHACK the unfollow button. We are privvy to SO much. But we know SO little, in reality.

Some folks share a fuck load.

Some don’t. We are different. We are all right. Every one of us has a right to share WHAT and HOW we want. If folks don’t like it, leave.

My life works exactly the same way. I offer of myself what I can, and am willing to, but my boundaries keep me from wading knee deep into other people’s lives and spaces. It’s their stuff. My stuff is mine. If anyone doesn’t like my brand of humanity, love or my boundaries, there are no chains keeping them bound.

So, I think I can round this piece out by saying that being “in the know” doesn’t make you knowledgeable when interacting with the lives you see about you. Especially online. We see a fraction of what people live in a day. Assuming you know SHIT about anyone who doesn’t have a close trust bond of genuinely sharing with you, is about as delusional as thinking you can tell people how to manage their online spaces.

 

We know so little. We assume so much, and therein lie the lies we see online.

 

Know your own truth. Live it, and give others the respect to do so themselves.

 

Assumption truly is the mother of all fuck-ups.

 

Yours in frustrated babble (Also love and respect)

 

Trace

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